the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
