I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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