Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize