It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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