I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
