I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
