If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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