Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
