hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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