I want to have your abortion
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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