I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
