Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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