Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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