It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
