apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
