just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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