i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize