I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Send help, water and tortillas.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
