So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
