Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
