Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
