My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
