Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish you could order shots online.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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