i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
