ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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