Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
