: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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