Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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