i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize