Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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