i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So vagazzling was a success
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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