Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Randomize
