I heard we made out
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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