No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
