what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
