I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
