Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
