Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize