We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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