She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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