Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
