If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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