The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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