Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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