Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
