two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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