I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize