i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
