you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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