I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
