I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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