Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think we might need a safe word for this...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
