Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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