we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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