well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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