kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize