and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
