did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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