I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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