and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
