Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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