I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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