I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
