I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize