ya dads aren't the best wingmen
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
