Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was confusing and full of hummus
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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