You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
