People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
