dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
