whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
