i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
