just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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