Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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