2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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