I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize