mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
