I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
