Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
