If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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