TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
