How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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