I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize