guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
