im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
