New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
