is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
