Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
