you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
