I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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