Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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