Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you had me at cake vodka
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize